K left for Thailand at 3am.

And finally, Charles Veritie sends in this Joke fit for an 11-year-old.

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room.

A family member lay gravely ill.
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and sombre.
"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news,"
he said as he surveyed the worried faces.
"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.
It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.
Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"

The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.

A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask,

"Why is the male brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group: "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."

SNOWED UNDER

Got totally snowed under. Stood in for Ant. It was today - still is, haven't quite finished. I'm semi-conscious. Had some problems but generally it went well. Having trouble printing the postscript file, blah blah. The whole mag in a day! Bloody awful charts and tables to put in. But it's only a 12 page newsletter. Last night ended up having three hours tossing and turning and got up again to start it. Not in the best of fettle, consequently. Haven't eaten anything yet.

New neighbours seem to have settled down. Quite a dramatic domestic on Wednesday. Guy has a nasty violent streak. Still, they lasted a week. The last lot started smashing the place up the first weekend they arrived.

Anyone fancy a quick snog round the back of the bike sheds?

A frisky filly walks into a bar and says 'neigh'.
'The usual then', says the barman, reaching for his riding crop

From Newsnight email:

Worst Joke of the Year (so far):

A piece of string walks into a bar.

The barman asks, "Are you a piece of string?"

"No", it replies, "I'm a frayed knot."

GLASTO

I've been watching some of the sets here:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/glastonbury/2008/

I see that Stackridge, who were the first ever band to play Glastonbury in 1970 (and ended the show too as the Kinks were stuck in a layby) have reformed and are playing this time. Their albums are re-released and on iTunes. That's on the web too, dears.

I see Shakin' Stevens was on, the Welsh Elvis. Leonard Cohen's on too.

I'm having problems with C. I can't stop him acting either like Andy Pandy on uppers or growling at me every time he opens his mouth

Buying myself some books, and not just so's I'll know more than 'is nibs! Controlling people can't control talent combined with skill ;)

Production for Graphic Designers, so I can understand the printer and not look a fool, (everyone is terrified of the printer) and have a better idea of this pre-press process, which is mind bogglingly complicated to get colours right etc, and this two-in-one on Design and Type. They're the best ones. And tax deductible.

I'm determined not to self-sabotage this time and lapse into negativity, but the leap to marketing myself to people is a high one. I have to make it tho cos I have one or two things I want to hold on to and more I want to do. I shall b doing it very soon.

I'm still half asleep and just up. My memory is fading fa er fas er. f

I've got a head full of finance, or lack of it. I'm owed lots.

Hard copies arrived this morning. Looks bloody fantastic. So I have to go around the obstacle. But where to start. Big M has messed with my 'in' and I don't know where else to go... mulling...

Ooooh.... an auto update from Microsoft for Office. Yah!

BREAKING NEWS

I thought X didn't like it that I added that main header and changed the wording so I made the change and sent an apologetic request for him to let me know if his text is sacrosanct.

X said he is only to happy to let me sub away as it makes his job easier, and he had said to "put it through my magic machine!" and thanked me for the rapid turnaround.

TOTALLY PISSED OFF

Tripped coming out of the trough and landed in the Slough of Despond. This pilgrim is making very little progress just now.

C has jacked in both his jobs and I am not speaking to him. K, on the other hand, has just paid the £1500 she saved to pay for her Thai trip.

Boss ohas me making an email flyer-type thing announcing the next publication, which is good news tho'

Anyone wanna come round and wait on me hand and foot in a tu-tu?

ZOMBIE

Still around but just finished one project, will zombie next two days before starting on next. Chaos reigned from 8am til 8pm yesterday. They had to stop the press for late adverts. I even had to make one of the ads for a client myself with just a pic and a logo!

THANKS RAY!

WAYLAID

Got waylaid today. Forgot I was to take K (my daughter) to nurse for her medical for Thailand. Too late so had to make an appointment for tomorrow at 2 when she's supposed to be at work. Hope she doesn't get the sack...

Press day is now wed so we only have tomorrow to finish the mag.

Anyone know how to add a logo/image to a website that includes a live link so when you click on the logo it goes to the logo's website?

UPDATE ON MY SON

He's just finishing off the cheescake and cottage cream so I guess OK. He's got a new job: he takes to the streets to drum up income for a Christian charity. He now earns more than I do.

ALEXANDER HLEB, ARSENAL

Unsettled Arsenal midfielder Alexander Hleb looks to be Barcelona-bound after Jose Mourinho's arrival at Inter Milan kiboshed his hopes of a move there. Vincenzo Morabito, Hleb's middle-man, claimed the Belarussian had been a Barca target for a long time. (Guardian: 5/6/08)

MY SON

My son (lives with my ex) got his head kicked in on the weekend, by a gang of 20 chavs when he tried to stop them attacking his pal. Paramedics were called and he was ambulanced to hospital, but he's OK. He'd been kicked and stamped on repeatedly about the head and knocked unconscious. He couldn't see for a while. 4 1/2 hours wait in casualty.

He's sore today! and it's his birthday! I'm not included in any birthday celebrations. Sniff.

KING MOB

For years the graffiti emblazoned along a west London Tube track issued an angry challenge to the deadening conformity of urban life:

'Same thing day after day - Tube - Work - Diner [sic] - Work - Tube - Armchair - TV - Sleep - Tube - Work - How much more can you take - One in ten go mad - one in five crack up'.

Its authors were a group of anarchic anti-artists named King Mob, whose stunts and visual manifestos flowered briefly during the late Sixties and early Seventies, in opposition to both the Establishment and the commercialised counter-culture of the Beatles and Carnaby Street.

King Mob's physical manifestations on the walls of Notting Hill have long faded with its gentrification. However, their leaflets and posters, recently acquired by Tate Britain, serve as a reminder of the bitter artistic and political clashes which then seemed commonplace, but are mainly absent from today's celebrity-driven pop culture.

POE: THE TELL TALE HEART

"Villains!" I shrieked, "dissemble no more! I admit the deed! - tear up the planks! here, here! - It is the beating of his hideous heart!"

RANDOM MUSIC THOUGHTS

I have been listening to a lot of the music that got me into music in the first place, Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Bruce Springsteen, Marley, Muddy Waters.

What makes a good album? For me it has to be cohesive , have a begining, middle and end. Also the sounds used need to fit together across the whole album. Blood On The Tracks comes to mind, an album that uses a minimum amount of instruments, textures and song structures, but still manages to devastate on each listening.

THE BEGINNING

I THINK THAT THIS BLOG IS MORE FOR MY OWN GOOD THAN ANYONE ELSES, HOWEVER IF YOU WANT TO LEAVE A COMMENT OR GET IN TOUCH, PLEASE DO.

JAMES